Your primary responsibility in the Christian marriage is to be obedient, focused and pleasing to God. If you please God, your spouse will be happy. You CANNOT change your spouse. Only God can do that. Some key ingredients to a successful Christian marriage are trust, faith, and God-dependent effort. You have to believe that God’s design is the best way to do marriage. You have to trust that what God says in the Bible regarding your role in your relationship will make your marriage work.
If you are being obedient and your spouse is not, you have to pray and trust that God is working on your spouse. We walk by faith and not by sight (2Corinthians 5:7). When you are being obedient, your faith must help you trust that God is working in your favor even when you can’t see it or when you don’t feel like anything is changing. Always remember this, no matter how your spouse behaves, your primary motivation and responsibility is to be obedient to God. If only one of you is being obedient, you need to pray and get out of the way and let God work on your spouse. Patience might be required, but God is faithful and just. He will honor your obedience.
On the other hand, if neither of you are being obedient, there will be frustration and chaos. Both of you are outside of God’s will, and He cannot bless you because you are not doing Christian marriage His way. You will reap what you sow! Disobedience within a Christian marriage is usually caused by selfishness. Selfishness is sin, and it is the most destructive element of any relationship.
When a husband loves his wife, she is encouraged to respect and submit to him. Likewise, when a wife submits and respects her husband, he is encouraged to be more loving towards her. The Bible calls the Christian wife to submit to her husband. Some women submit, but they do it grudgingly. When a Christian husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, she will JOYFULLY submit to him.
Being a good spouse in a Biblical way is a full-time job! You have a sinful nature and, therefore, God’s way is not natural for you. You MUST call on Him to guide you step-by-step to walk in the Spirit and do as He instructs you. For this reason, you should spend most of your time examining your own heart. Focus on your own shortcomings, not your spouses (speck in your eye). You cannot change them, but you can ask God to change YOU and make you more Christ-like. As you behave more like Jesus Christ, you honor and glorify God with your behavior.
Compiled by Stephan Sanford
